Closet Confessions with My Therapister

I’m lucky, because my baby sister is two things: a gifted therapist and a serious fashionista.

One of the world’s most beautiful people inside and out, Heather is an Intern Therapist for Newport Community Counseling Center and recently completed the 3,000 hours required for her Marriage and Family Therapy License in the State of California. This is NO small feat and I could not be prouder.

Heather also runs THE MOST ADORABLE Instagram account you have ever seen and must follow if you do not already: @darling_on_a_dime, her search for all things beauty, on a budget! She has an unnatural gift for finding shrieking deals at Target, Marshall’s and Nordstrom Rack, and styling them to look straight out of Sak’s, Bloomie’s and actual Nordy’s.

Clearly, Heather offers key help in many facets of the human experience. Thus, as her sister, I benefit greatly.

Particularly, last month, I was going through a very sad time after the loss of my pregnancy. Moving forward, finding peace, but deep in a state of grieving, healing and digging into myself.

Knowing well the introspective, recuperative state of my heart—as well as the cataclysmic, unsorted state of my closet—Heather suggested the most logical idea in the world: “LET’S DO YOUR CLOSET!!!”

     

By this, she meant clean out, overhaul and style the space that holds so much more than my clothes and handbags: Moments. Memories. Phases. Achievements. Pieces of me and significant ones.

As a side note, my closet is relatively large; I have our entire master walk-in closet all to myself. I banished Doug to the guest room closet years ago, when we first moved into our new house. Some people think that’s SO weird, but it feels so normal to us. He has 10 articles of clothing and I have 10,000. The guest closet would sit empty otherwise. In terms of logic, square footage and marital health, it works and it works really well.

So, was it a good time to tackle this project, I wondered? I still just kind of want to eat cookies for lunch and watch The Real Housewives of Every City Ever forever and ever.

You guys, it was the BEST time to purge this messy recess of my home and my soul. Overwhelming, exhausting and difficult, but therapeutic, curing and good.

Heather has a talent and passion for closet rejuvenation, and her process is ruthless. She first removes absolutely EVERYTHING, then puts the pieces back one by one—and only if they are worthy. If I wouldn’t choose the dress to doll up and feel my absolute sexiest, it’s OUT. If I haven’t worn the pants in the last year, they’re OUT. If the work blouse has faded to green when it’s supposed to be white, but I’m still strangely attached and my sis doesn’t care, it’s OUT.

I loved her comments:

“Oh my lanta, get that OUTTA HERE!!!!!”

“Steph, we have a serious situation called JEANS.“

“Steph. What? STEPH. I GOT RID OF THIS SAME EXACT TOP IN 2008.”

I felt like I was cleansing in a steam room, and journaling, and exhaling, all at once. Scouring my closet was like scouring the past, and forcing myself to the present. I had to face it all boldly and let some things go:

• The skin-tight black sequined dress I wore to Vegas for Heather’s 25^th birthday when I was six months pregnant—Emmy was with us even then and no wonder she’s sassy
• The black satin BCBG suit I wore to Elton John’s Oscar Party when I worked it for my PR internship senior year of college—I’ll never forget meeting Elton and the sheer command with which he pounded that piano
• A white fur vest that I don’t remember buying and can’t recall wearing—but definitely can’t help admiring for my fierce attitude and dismissal of better judgment
• Ten different Juicy Couture valor track suits—I just can’t seem to accept that they’re unacceptable

AND THEN…

• My pencil skirts—19 of them, in total, from my years as a working girl throughout my mid-20s

My therapister (therapist/sister, in case that’s not clear) knew we had to pause at the pencil skirts and have a ceremony, of sorts. I mean, come on—my last day at work was more than a year ago, but I still clung to them as mystical relics. They took up prime real estate in my closet, but I couldn’t bring myself to touch them, let alone get rid of them.

Still, I rolled my eyes as my sister suggested we sit cross-legged on the floor, facing each other, with the pencil skirts between us. Seriously?

“I want you to tell me what these represent to you,” she said.

I started slowly, overtly skeptical. “Gosh, I don’t know.” Pause. “Working Steph.” Another pause.

Staring down at the pile, surprised, I felt myself getting emotional.

Shoot. I was attached to the skirts.

Then more words came: “Ambition, I guess. Confidence. Making money. Living for myself every day. Doing something I love. Feeling attractive and stylish. Being more social and fun… Being interesting to people and to the world. Feeling… Independent and valued and validated.”

WHOA. Sister struck therapy gold. I felt a tear fall down my cheek. The hormones! The hormones!

Heather was gentle and kind. “So what would you say to this girl, Working Steph, if you could?”

Another pause and a shrug. “I think I would say… Enjoy this time while you can, because it’s really fun and won’t last forever. But, also, know that you’re going to have the most healthy, beautiful, perfect baby girl in the universe when you’re 27. She’s going to change your heart and your whole wide world. And in spite of what you leave behind in your old life, you’re going to feel more joy and greater fulfillment than you ever could have imagined in being a mother. And then, I would say good-bye.”

Sister gave me a moment with the skirts and then gave me some very wise words. “Steph, I think it’s important that you say good-bye to some of the old you, but I really don’t think you should say good-bye to all of her.”

We identified the things that, for now, I must bid farewell as part of my choice to stay home: Working full-time, making a salary, living for myself, being surrounded by adults every day.

But we also identified the things that I don’t have to and shouldn’t give up: Ambition. Confidence. Doing something I love. Feeling attractive and stylish. Being social, fun, interesting. Feeling independent, valued, validated.

As Heather suggested: I just need to work on redefining some of those things.

What does it mean to be ambitious?

Confident?

Attractive?

Interesting?

Stylish?

Independent?

Valued?

It’s so fun to see the people you love, thriving in action, remarkably good at using their gifts. Heather gave me so much transformative truth, all while getting rid of some tired, old skirts. Having a baby doesn’t mean that Stephanie died. It actually means I am living like never before—just under some different patterns and daily parameters, with a bright-eyed, big-bowed little buddy.

Heather then suggested I keep my favorite pencil skirt, as a memento—just like she suggested I keep my high school prom dress, the jacket Doug bought me for my 19th birthday, my Kourtney Kardashian wig from Halloween a few years ago, and my craziest hot-pink patent leather heels from Charlotte Russe that, really, only a streetwalker should wear.

Make new friends, but keep some old, even (or especially) if they’re rough around the edges.

Now… For the FUN STUFF!!!!!!!

My new closet looks amazing, and somehow makes me feel healthy and strong. Oh, and stylish and awesome. Not only am I extremely organized, but Heather helped me go shopping in my very own closet and styled these ADORABLE outfits. Brand new ensembles, with clothes I already had?! Yes, please!!! I am truly amazed and grateful. While I truly loathe few things more than I loathe pictures of myself… You must check these out. And these are just few!

Heather also gave me these amazing tips, which I’m so happy to share with you:

• Keep your closet minimal—then mix and match in a way that gives you a million outfits
• Dress appropriately for your body type, life stage and age
• If you’re wearing something SUPER girly—lace, floral print, polka dots—always mix with something edgy—leather jacket, super-high wedges, bold jewelry
• You never need to wear both a WHOA necklace and WHOA earrings; pick one, depending on the outfit
• Animal print is better as an accent than an overall print (okay, fine)

She also suggested I buy these staples, which of course I already did, as you can see in the pictures:

• Booties (yes, totally acceptable for summer!)
• Bohemian wedges
• Light cropped jeans

And that concludes my closet confessions.

Life is a journey, and the clothes we wear can bear surprisingly great meaning.

Saying good-bye to some of it along the way is important…

But so is holding onto the pieces that matter most.

Heather combines a profound knowledge of the human psyche with her deep-rooted passion for fashion—resulting in completely unique wardrobes and stunning outfit ensembles tailored to each one of her clients. If you live in the OC area, she would absolutely LOVE to come rejuvenate your closet and refresh your soul, for a very reasonable rate. She’ll even bring you Starbucks. In addition to closet organization and styling, Heather provides personal shopping services. For more information, hit her up at: darlingonadime@gmail.com.

PHOTOGRAPHY CREDIT: The amazing Amanda McKinnon Photography