On House & Home

I can’t believe our house is for sale!!! We’ve been talking to our realtor almost constantly for the past few weeks, but finally seeing our home hit the market feels equal parts real, exciting and scary. Are we really done here? Are we really saying good-bye? Are complete strangers really going to inhabit these walls we made into our first home? Yes and yes and yes.

Moving into our North Irvine townhome in 2011 was an unforgettable venture. We purchased the brand-new house before it was built, and what a privilege that was. We stomped on the muddy foundation where our first little baby would crawl someday; we gripped the wooden beams long before they supported our sanctuary. We chose the colors, the counters, the flooring, the light fixtures, the furniture, the artwork, the fun geometric wallpaper. Okay, fine, Doug had nothing to do with the fun geometric wallpaper.

We thought we’d be in our home for much longer than three years. We have bedrooms to spare and Irvine has a fabulous school system. There’s no shortage of parks and the VERY BEST in convenient retail; our local center has everything from Trader Joe’s and LA Fitness and the medical walk-in to the dry cleaner and Home Depot and Chick-fil-A. It’s one-stop mommy nirvana. For so many reasons, every minute we’ve been in this place has been special and pretty spectacular.

Several months ago, though, once Doug was settled into his new job at CBRE, perhaps in the spirit of newness, we started to get a first inkling that maybe we ought to move. Doug’s commute to work in Newport Beach isn’t terrible, but it’s not great, either, falling consistently in the 30–40 minute range. Doug is also a passionate surfer who rarely surfs, since we’re just far enough from the beach. Also, many of our friends live in the Newport Beach/Costa Mesa area, so we’re constantly driving a ways for hangouts of all shapes and sizes.

Thus, we started honing in on our possible new place to live: Costa Mesa. Full of cute houses with character and grassy back yards; close to the beach, awesome shopping, great restaurants, Doug’s work and great friends. We got excited. Quickly, however, our dreams were shot: after scouring the market, we learned that everything attractive was WAY beyond our personal price range. Why is my taste so expensive?! Moving idea officially shelved.

Still, though, the idea just kept coming up—in rolling waves and pops and in pillow talks. Increasingly, the weeks would clip by, and we wouldn’t feel quite home in our home anymore. We kept praying about it, seeking God’s direction for the future of our little family. Then it came to a point where I really wanted to move, but Doug kept putting the kibosh on it by being practical about these weird things called money and market timing.

Even so, moving wasn’t even on my mind two-and-a-half weeks ago, when Doug and I were out on our Sunday night date night at True Food Kitchen (my fave!!!). Suddenly, over quinoa burgers and parmesan kale salad, he spoke the words: “I think we should move. I think we’re ready for a change. I think we can find something we can afford in Costa Mesa.”

“What?!” I asked, incredulous. “Get over here on my side of the bench!!!!!! I’m pulling up Redfin!!!!!”

I know my hesitation was overwhelming. When husbands surprise you, you jump on it, before they can change their minds. (Did I mention he was eating quinoa burgers and parmesan kale salad? Doug won some POINTS that night, ladies.)

We scrolled and tapped on my phone together until I found the small gem that sparked my heart: an adorable, ranch-style, one-story home with amazing front and back yards, listed for almost exactly what we could sell our home for in Irvine, in an adorable little Costa Mesa neighborhood.

After dinner, we skipped our movie plans to wind through the wide streets of a community called Mesa Del Mar. If you know Costa Mesa, you know there’s the East Side, and the West Side. The 55 freeway divides it all, a blurry curtain of concrete and cars. We had been so focused on the pricier East Side that we had overlooked the most precious little West Side pocket of real estate completely within our means.

When Doug pulled his car in front of the gem for sale, I turned my head in what felt like slow motion, and then, I audibly gasped at the sight. Then squealed. Then gasped gain. “DOUG!!!!! IT’S A DREAM!!!! LET’S BUY IT!!!!!”

Naturally, I bounded out of the car and crept right up to the white-paned windows to peer inside and stroke the brick facade of the empty house like an absolute crazy lady, because I’m all about momentary insanity.

I was home.

Two weeks later, we are in escrow on that house in Costa Mesa, and our Irvine condo is listed for sale.

My feelings are always mixed when it comes to moving. Mostly, I’m giddy about our new digs, our first single-family home, in a killer location. I can’t wait to fill that house with kids, cookies, sunshine and barbecues. I can’t wait for Doug to be home from work in just seven minutes, for Emerson to bounce around in a real backyard. I can’t wait for many more beach days.

The home also presents the opportunity for some creative improvement projects, which to my surprise, fills me with absolute glee (since thankfully there are geniuses I can hire to help me). I used to be all about new houses, but slowly I’ve changed my tune. As I get older, I’m falling more and more in love with anyone and anything that needs a little extra help, grace and love—maybe as I realize more and more just how desperately I need all those things.

So I’m stoked on Costa Mesa, but of course, I’m also mourning the end of our Irvine days. This is the house Doug and I built; the house where we laughed, cried, lived, loved, lost and danced; the house where I became a mother. This house was also our first, and you never forget your first.

I want to say that “houses are just houses and they’re temporal things and they don’t really matter,” but I don’t think that’s true. I think they do matter. I think that having a sense of home, brimming with love and acceptance and warmth, is a taste of heaven on earth. The physical walls might crumble someday, but the holy moments inside them will not.

We’ve also lived near some of the world’s most wonderful people; thankfully they won’t be too far, and I can still come visit and also get my hit of master-planned glory, because it really is glorious, whenever I get the urge.

And so, dear Irvine, I’ll miss you.

And GOSH DANGIT, now I have to rewrite my blog bio.

I’ll definitely keep you guys posted on the move, because it should be wild. Packing with a toddler?! Staying with my parents momentarily?! Praying I’ll finally understand what escrow means?!

And I can’t wait to share pics of the new house! It’s so adorable. Or maybe it’s not that adorable and it’s the house only a mother could love. Either way, I’m totally head over heels.

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
‘Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

— Phillip Phillips, “Home”