What do you even say about a sister, especially one who doubles as a best friend? In 10 words, in 100, in 1,000? What do you say when you’re handed a microphone on one of the biggest days of her life?
It’s true that logistically organizing and strategically launching our family of freshly FIVE into a wedding weekend in Napa was a lot hard and a little nerve-wracking. But honestly, I was most anxious about doing justice to my beautiful sister during the few minutes I’d have to express myself during my MOH toast. I spent a lot of time honing the handful of things I just knew I needed to say to my sister and Tyler. To them and only them, as if nobody else was filling the exquisitely decorated space floating just like a wine country fairy tale beneath the lofty wooden beams of that Carriage House on October 6, 2018.
My personal tips for a MOH speech are simple: Practice a lot so you don’t weep through it. Keep it under 10 minutes, at every cost. Refrain from telling two dozen inside jokes that only you and your bride bestie will understand. And lastly, in no particular order: Say something special addressing the groom. Something extra-special addressing the bride. And something as deeply sincere and heartfelt as you can conjure to address the couple in their very newest newlywed magic.
Also, my newborn mama brain was flying 700 mph in the weeks leading up to the wedding! So I gave myself the grace and permission to write it all out. Every word. I spoke from memory as much as I could, but it helped so much to have it all in my hands in the case of my baby brain blanking or, also likely, an emotional breakdown. Neither happened, thank goodness! These little tips and goals of mine really helped.
Finally, here is my actual speech! Of course I roamed from these sentences some, skipping and adding as it felt right, but this was the script in my hands. I love you, my sissy! More than you’ll ever know!
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Welcome, everyone! For those of you I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting, I’m Stephanie, Heather’s older sister. I’m so honored that I get to say a few words to you all tonight.
Now… You’d never, ever know from looking around and soaking in this beautiful wine country fairy tale, but Heather was not the kind of girl who grew up dreaming about her wedding day. She always wanted to get married, of course, but details like flowers and colors and dress styles and venues… were just never things on her mind. I, on the other hand, started planning my wedding when I was about 4 years old… and from 7th grade onward, I had a picture of my dream wedding dress taped to the wall of my bedroom. I was the sister… with NO. chill.
From my very earliest memory, though, Heather DID dream, in very specific detail, about the kind of man she wanted to marry. Her list of attributes was long, but by no means out of the question. I mean, look at this beautiful queen. She deserved everything she wanted and more. He needed to be TALL, he needed to be KIND, he needed to be HARD-WORKING. Full of COMPASSION, HUMILITY, ADVENTURE and LOVE. He needed to be a FAMILY MAN. He needed to GOLF. Wait. Sorry!!!! One of my dad’s criteria snuck in here. But boy did it ever come true!
Of course, along the way, there were a few different suitors who dreamed they could win over my sister, but obviously, none of them ever succeeded. Some were fine, I guess, but too short—and Heather is NOT the kind of goddess who belongs in a life wearing flats forever. Or sweet, but too girly—Heather IS the kind of goddess who is more than enough girly for one relationship.
Then. Came. Tyler. And Tyler not only fulfilled every single wish my sister ever had for a husband, but he was so much more than she ever dreamed. Tyler’s just one of those guys who is good—truly good—at everything. I always say this about him. And on top of it, he just has all kinds of random amazing talents.
Like in Mammoth, when he said he was going to make us all dinner one night. And I thought, sweet! He’s probably going to make us some three-ingredient chili like I would, since it’s pretty much the only thing I know how to make! But no. Tyler prepares these huge, beautiful racks of ribs he brought up in an ice chest, with his own homemade BBQ sauce. Like from total scratch. Did you know that’s a thing? You can actually make your own BBQ sauce. Thank you, Tyler, for teaching me that.
Or his playlists! It doesn’t matter if you’re enjoying a Hawaiian sunset or a having a backyard BBQ or cozy by a fireplace in the mountains… MAGICALLY, the most pitch-perfect soundtrack you can imagine will always, always be playing if Tyler’s around.
From the moment we all met Tyler, he also immediately became the love of somebody else’s life: our little Hadley. The crush is so real. Pretty much every day of our lives, she bats her eyelashes and talks about Ty-lah. So thank you, also, Tyler, for teaching me that my three-year-old knows how to flirt.
Of all his amazing talents and attributes, though, of which there are MANY, the most important one to me is that Tyler: You make Heather happier than I’ve ever seen her in my whole life. You make her smile her biggest smile from her best, sparkliest self—and that is all I could ever want for my sister. And you take care of her. On her best days and her most miserable migraine days, you’re by her side, loving her, like she’s never been loved before. And you’ve adopted her daughter, Bella, as your very own. (Bella’s a dog, you guys.)
And Heather. Of course there are quite literally a million memories with you that I cherish with all of my heart. But there’s one season I think we both agree was the most special one we’ve ever shared together. And that was the year, in 2015, when Heather came and lived with me and my family.
Heather had been living in Nashville, Tennessee, but then her hours for her Marriage and Family Therapy License were approved here in California (Heather is an amazingly gifted therapist, as most of you know). So she was thinking of moving back, but she didn’t have a place to stay. She was in transition, looking for a new place to land. So I said, “COME LIVE WITH US!!!!” Emerson was two years old and I was 8 months pregnant with Hadley. My belly was SO insanely enormous. Calling our household a circus is putting it gently.
Now, doesn’t that just sound like the most fun living situation EVER for a hot single 20-something girl?!?!
But she did. Heather moved into our home. And during that time, she became part of us. She laughed with us, she danced with us, she joined us around our dinner table.
I, to my surprise, ended up with some really hard postpartum depression after Hadley was born. But look at that!!! Now I had a live-in therapist!!! And Heather truly was just… there for me. For all of us. She would take the baby from me without me needing to ask. She would buy heaps of groceries and make dinner for all of us. She would quietly clean up the house, and entertain Emmy for hours.
She made sure that I was OK.
As sisters, we’d always dreamed of living together again someday, as grown-up girls, outside our parents’ house. And you know, this was no loft in New York City!!!
But it was better.
I look back on that time and think of her as our angel. And I had the profound privilege of seeing what kind of woman my baby sister has grown to become, and what kind of partner and mom she will be. I saw the kind of person she is when nobody else is looking.
And she is selfless.
She is strong.
She is so full of compassion.
I opened my doors to my little sister because she needed a place to stay.
But she ended up taking care of me.
Heather has an incredibly unique ability, like no one else I’ve ever known, to love people right where they’re at. To see beyond their shortcomings, and struggles, and frailties, to the most beautiful heart of a person. To bring out our biggest smiles and our brightest magic. Everyone who knows her, knows this about her. We have called her Sunshine since she was a toddler. It’s what makers her an incredible sister. It’s what makes her an incredible therapist.
And it’s going to make her an incredible wife.
It was also during this time of our sisterhood that I first heard about Tyler—the one and only guy who, she said, and I quote, “had ever truly gotten into her heart. The one she could never forget.”
So HEATHER, TYLER! It goes without saying that you guys are going to have the most beautiful life together. You’re going to travel the world, and make your own BBQ sauce, and give us all the most tall blonde beautiful babies, who better be boys, because The Macks… Three Strikes… We’re out… And my dad needs a little golf buddy.
But Tyler, you also have a partner here who is going to be your anchor when the storms of life come. And I know, because I’ve already seen, that she has the same in you.
I love you guys more than I can possibly express, and I will always, always be here for you. Our doors will always be open. And everyone in this room and so many beyond it will be cheering you on, forever.
To Mr. and Mrs. Stirnus!!!!
